IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
