now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
