I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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