If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
