her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
