At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
