Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
