At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
