so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
