What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
