Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're earring is so big in my mouth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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