Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't notice because vodka
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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