Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
as a side note pls kill me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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