So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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