I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
