Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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