Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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