the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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