She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
