Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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