Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
