So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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