But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
