Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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