I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
