who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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