sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
