do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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