Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
