If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
