i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
