For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
