the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
