that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
