then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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