the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He felt like a one man threesome
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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