Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
