I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
