I just threw up on my dentist
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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