I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
