The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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