there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
