okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
