OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
