it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
