I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
