We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
