I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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