it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
