Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
