im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
